Why do men give mixed signals?
January 29, 2009 by Thomas
Filed under Your Questions
Here’s an interesting question I received from a reader, whose long-term boyfriend broke up with her without giving any clear signals beforehand:
I have a quick question:
I was going out with a guy for 2 years. He broke up with me last August-almost 2 years to the day that we started going out. He said his feelings changed and he wasn’t sure about us anymore. However a month or so previous to this he had spoken about moving in together. We hadn’t been fighting and as far as i thought everything was going great.
My question is why do men give mixed signals? When he says he isn’t sure or 100% about us anymore is that code for he just fell outta love with me and i can expect that it’s over for good?
I know most of the time men are pretty black and white about things so any advice would be appreciated!
The answer is simpler than you might think. When men give mixed signals, it’s usually because they have conflicting feelings.
In your case, it’s a possibility that he simply fell out of love. While painful, it happens in many relationships, and it’s probably better to find out now, instead of after a few years of living together. However, what I think is far more likely is that what really changed were his thoughts about the future, rather than his feelings about you.
You mentioned that he brought up the subject of moving in together just a month before breaking up with you. To me, that strongly suggests his reason for breaking up was a sudden fear of commitment, rather than a change in his feelings about you. By considering moving in together, he forced himself to take a look at the relationship, and question whether you’re the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
Chances are that he didn’t exactly fall out of love with you. Instead, he decided that he wasn’t ready for serious commitment yet, and even though he enjoyed being with you, he wanted to know what else was out there. It’s not unlikely that he’s already regretting his decision or will regret it in the future.
Still, don’t wait for him to come back. Putting your life on hold for him does not make it any more likely that you’ll get back together, and will definitely make this an even harder time for you than it already is.
This is excatly what my ex did, mind you were only broke up five days ago. We had been together 2 years, We were planning on getting a place I was gonna move in with him, I even had a transfer ready with my work and waited for him to give me a date but he never! I thought nothing was wrong and also out of the blue well from what I thought he said he didn’t love me as much as he used to. And he just needed space at the moment. But then when he was breaking up with me he was being affectionate hugging n kissing me, like nothing was wrong?! My dad even told me he thought he was affraid of committing and that was the same as what has been said here, I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Why are blokes affair of committing? Its really not like anything is going to change if we move in is it? It happened with my ex before too we got engaged, we were together 5 years, 3 months down the line I found out he was cheating on me?!